my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
