Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
