i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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