no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
