btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
