I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
