Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
