I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
