You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he was CRYING into my vagina
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
