Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
