dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
