just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Green mimosas i think yes
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
