Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
