I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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