Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
