So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
