Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
