I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
