i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
