I think im going to throw up on grandma
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Congratulations! We have a period
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