I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
