...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think I am morally bankrupt
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
