That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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