I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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