why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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