so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
