i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
