I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
