hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
