Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
