yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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