I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
