If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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