At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sext me about skeletons
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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