If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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