not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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