I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
