And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I need a beard to bite.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
