Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
