I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
