She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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