My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
