I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
