Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
