oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
