wakey wakey hands off snakey
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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