I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
apparently the secret to your success is patron
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
