God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
