i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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