3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
