so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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