i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
