I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
