she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
