Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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