If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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