If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
