I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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