accomplished twins. life is a go
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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