Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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