Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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