Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
