i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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