ugly people sure do ruin things
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
