It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
